Just more words.

It's a complication that I don't even know where to begin..
If I just straight up, leave you alone.. Not only do I make you "suffer" -__- but it's punishing myself as well..

All I want to do is talk to you, and be a part of your life.
I feel absolutely pathetic as a human being...
I probably don't even stand a chance at getting you back..
Even though you're the dumbass that left me first...

I don't have the security of two years...
I don't have the reassurance that I'm still what you want..

So.. Soon.. Probably tonight... I am going to disappear..
I will shut off everything.. I won't touch a thing...
I'll probably cave here and there.. but.. I'm going to do what I can...

I need a good escape.. I need out...

But you're the one who took away the only method I know of that makes me feel better in the slightest..

This is fucking annoying, how confusing everything is... I just want everything to be back to the way it was. To be solved...

I want to be me again...

New Plan.

Once I acquire a job...

I'm going to save money...

And I'm going to disappear.

And on my journey..

I won't care.

words

There aren't many ways to explain how this feels... but all I know is that if you try to ignore it, it'll rear its legs and kick the living shit out of you...

Ive been trying for a minute now..

But I can't see the surface..

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I want blood.

There are various phrases and emotions that could possibly explain how I'm feeling..
But nothing comes close to truly being able to explain the emptiness I feel..

It's as though someone swept through my life with a huge ice cream scoop and tore away all the best parts...

I feel alone..
Numb.. and pathetic..

I know I have people to talk to, but now that I'm in this stage, I feel so lost. There's no one that gets this other than one, and he's more torn up that I with his own relationship issues..

I want this separation to end.. But we can't rush back into it..
I don't want to feel like this for any longer than I have to..
But I don't want you to be unsure..

I don't know how long I can do this for..

"I'm reading your note over again, and there's not a word that I comprehend except where you signed it, "I'll love you always, and forever.""

Here we go.

I want to get high enough to not feel anything.

Bring More Rain Please

Never before has the idea of sunlight hurt me like this..

Nothing before... has ever hurt like this..

I don't want to feel.

I don't want to think..

I don't want to break first...

till everyone is singing

I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter where I "end up" in life, but that the journey there is worth all the while. If I look back and have no real memory of things that I've loved, then I may as well have wasted my life.. I want you to see me as the strong person I know I am.. but you are my biggest downfall.. you are my weakness. I know that my insecurities are useless; that it can push you away from me.. but if you're willing to give me just a little more of yourself, let me in, let me know that I'm not the only one feeling this way, I promise you it can be worth it. Just let me in.

No...

I don't like this... I can't do this..

I don't want to feel this way anymore...

dlfkjas;dlfkjasifae;oigfelkfj

I want to scream..

Do you really?

Take a deep breath.

Take a step back.

Breathe..

count to 10..

Exhale.. 

Repeat.

End.

Homesick is an understatement of how it feels when you're not around.

Uncertainty..

I want to hear that it's miserable for you..
That I'm not the only one feeling like shit due to our distance.

I want to believe that you miss me; that you have trouble sleeping without me around..

I want you to be happy; but I want you to be miserable at the same time..

Is this selfish of me?

Only A Few More Hours

I don't want you to become a memory; a past event that I begin the story of with, "Hey, did I ever show you ___?"

The idea, the concept, just the mere thought alone has me sick...
I can feel my body break; begin to tremble...
But it's too early for a moment to let things out...
Just a little bit longer; just a few more hours....

-Not knowing is worse than knowing it all.

-The only way to find out how things will be in the morning is to just fall asleep.

Too many "What if's"

If I could extend all that I am to you so you may feel this.. Understand where I'm coming from..
You don't have to run. You don't have to be afraid..

Just don't let me go...please.

I don't like being alone.

You wake up and are instantly absorbed into electronics..

20 minutes with you, and you're gone...

Thanks...

Any aspirations of seeing you in the daylight have gone to shit..

Sometimes I hate being inadequate in terms of not owning my own car..

I need a better job...

please....

This craving for you to hold me is stronger than anything I've ever experienced.

You're right next to me yet you feel a thousand miles away.

another day in paradise

Why does my blood boil at the very mention of her from your lips?
Sometimes its hard not to feel pathetic..

I know my posts are getting short and frankly, kinda whiny. :/
I have just run out of living people to talk to that might understand.

fuuu-

I don't like that this affects me so much.
Its disgusting and I sometimes hate myself for it...

The internet is a horrible thing.

Jump on the Train

It bothers me; staring into an empty screen as though it'll make the time fly faster.
The wind stings my face when I try to leave this cell.
Maybe the empty screen is a sign in regards to the weather.
Or maybe it's meant to hold me closer to the shadows of your empty walls.

The music spirals and dances, jumps and lithely steps over furniture. It bounces back from walls, and twirls back into my heart.
Your melodies are the only cure to the ache my heart feels from this distance.

Terrible Winds

Do you like talking to me as much as I like talking to you? I wish I knew what was happening on the other end so I could tell myself to shut up. I will just let it go.... Its the only way sometimes. Hah, and you complain when people don't text you back.. its unfortunate when you're occasionally a hypocrite. :(

A Drunk Man Speaks Honest Words.

I would like to be someone you enjoy talking to. someone you prefer to have around.. But I know you do, and I know we need time apart occasionally. Id like to think I'm more mature than others my age and more so than some who are older than I. If what you said is what you meant, then I'll be yours forever.. Just don't forget to remember me, and don't forget that I'm willing to do my part...just don't leave me fighting alone.

i pray not

Sometimes I get scared. but you picked me. But then with new knowledge that you were originally interested in her before me... it doesn't help your cause or my nerves. But you picked me... I'm just nervous.... But you picked me...