hello.

I think I need help...

the crows are coming for us.

My options are before me. They hold nothing for me.
1. Drugs; for a restless, uneasy sleep where I'm bound to wake up screaming.
2. Pain; another mark? Like it matters to me anymore.
3. Stay awake; restless, cold, shaking, sickness, numb.
4. Normal sleep; impossible.

Hello memories, painful and sore.
You leave me empty, as I shake on the floor.

I'm trying my best to be strong you see.
I'm doing my best to recover from grief.

The words are the same.
And it ties me in knots.
The souls are different.
But.....

I expect the worse in times like these.
There is no hope for a girl like me.
I was broken beyond two, shattered you see.
With no hope... I only breathe.

sia - breathe me

I feel 15 again; dumb, insecure, annoying, worthless, and pathetic.
The words are clear.
I remember before.
The words are clear.
Like a memory once more.

I swing and fall.
Paralytic on the floor.

Sleep; no.
Food; not for awhile.

"What have you accomplished?" ...nothing, except making myself a fool.

We Are Nothing

I find myself forgotten and alone.
The king has stolen all that I know.
Find a safe place to break the fear.
“I’m searching,” I said.
“But not fast enough my dear.”
The night gets longer with no hope from the stars.
I look at the rats and see this is all we are.

Oldddd

We traveled under skies of the deepest gray, searching for lost ones who have forgotten to pray.
Lost and alone with birds singing songs of death.
I searched for my lost one in hopes of feeling his breath.
From East to West to keep the promises we made.
Your voice is fading from my memories along with your face.
Songs sung around me played straight out of life.
The birds are telling a story.
The birds are telling a story.

11-18-2009; Almost Lover

She stood there in silent disbelief as the man she loved was caressing another woman’s body. She watched as he gently touched her face, and pulled her in closer for a kiss. Just earlier that evening he had told her to meet him so they could see each other. Did he want her to see this as some cruel, heartless way to tell her to leave?
She continues to watch as they're faces barely part for air. The minutes continuously going by as her heart is stabbed through and through. And as the thunderheads roll above her, lightning flashes and he looks through his open window for only a split second. He sees her standing there with the look of horror and the deepest sadness he's ever seen before.
With a sudden realization, he breaks from the other woman and heads for the door. As if in slow motion, the rain starts to pour down all around her. But finally, she stands there no more. She turns on her heel, taking one step after the other, and runs as fast and as far as she can from the sight of ultimate heart break. She's running far, the sound of her heartbeat pounding through her ears. She can barely hear him calling her name; pleading for her to stop.
Nothing could stop her now. Not know of all times. He’s done to many things to the heart that just takes up space in her chest. After what seems like a lifetime she finally reaches a safe haven. Looking back, she notices he isn’t there. She wonders to herself that he probably gave up on her and went back to the other woman. It wouldn’t surprise her in any form at all. As she thinks more about the issue, the rain keeps pouring down. Finding a bench along the water line, she takes a seat. This is her favorite place in this small hell called home.
A few tears shed, a broken heart dead, never ending rain, and she’s finally had enough. She gets up, and turns around but is surprised to find herself looking him in the face. He had just been about to say something, but now he stands there nonchalantly, as if expecting nothing to be wrong. She wants to scream at his innocent look. Wanting to tear it to shreds so he can feel her pain. She stands there waiting for him to say anything at all. Instead he takes a few steps towards her, reaching out with sorrow in his motions. Disgusted by his lack of conscious, she jumps back. Wanting to scream her fury and confusion into his face, she instead stands there as he pleads once more. He tells her he’s sorry and that he loves her. All the while her mind saying he’s just lying again. This time of all times there’s no way she can go back. There is nothing left for her here. So with the last few words, “I’m sorry, but not this time,” she walks past him and heads in the direction for a hope she’s never had before. The sound of his sobs behind her compare nothing to the screams of her heart. But as the rain crashes all around this depressing scene she realizes that she has to keep going.

Should've known.

When my time has come..
How will you remember me?
Will it be something I said?
A way I made you feel?
Will it be something I did?
Something we did together?

I feel insignificant.

Lights Fading.

Knights fall.
The victory in the antagonist's hands.
They always take what isn't theirs.

Puddles of blood.
Scattered memories throughout the town.
They always ruin the best things.

Cities burns.
The scent of burning flesh.
They always take...they always take...

10 seconds.

Scared and paralytic.
Nauseous on the floor.
Fear will torment us all.
Preying on the weak; on the hopeless.
Love doesn't hurt, but the fear of losing it does.

come back....

A strong connection severed by miles.
Waves of fatigue, depression, and loneliness sweep the mind, soul, heart, body.
Hand upon glass; the numbers rapidly growing.
From crowded lanes of headlights to two empty strips.
The road curves and winds;
and in the end I'm left with nothing more than your smile in my mind and your love in my heart.
----
I cannot stand the distance.
I know we can get through this.
I'm just tired of feeling alone.
I wish I could wake up to your smile everyday.
Fall asleep in your arms every night.
.......
I miss you.

Inevitable.

Just breathe.
Close your eyes and just try to remember...
I know you do.
The smell, the feel.. all of it.
Take it all back in.
Let yourself relax and just let your mind escape.

I'm right here with you.
Open your eyes and now look into mine.
Distance is only a number; a figment of our imagination.
I'm right here with you.

I know you're out there...

Somewhere out there...
It's an agonizing feeling... Not being able to know.
But all in good time right?
Right??!

:(

..and the crowd of 10,000 whispered in unison, "I need you so much closer."

pretty damn close...

http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/scorpio.htm

The lights shimmered upon the freshly fallen snow; Untouched and perfect. Breathing in deep for I know it wont be long now. I looked out my window and couldn't see much. The condensation upon the glass had frozen over and looked like crystallized lines. I cleared out the area beneath my window and began anxiously waiting for your arrival.
Twenty minutes had passed when I finally saw your silhouette approaching through the darkness. I opened my window, and pulled up the screen, whispering hello with a small smile. You climbed through as I helped you, making your arrival silent, swift, and untraceable.
I closed up the windows and placed your shoes under my bed. Our routine was flawless and just that, a routine. I could feel the cold radiating off of you. We lied down and I did my best to warm you up. Speaking of trivial facts from the day. I eventually grew sleepy and you as well. I lied my head in the cranny of your neck to get a bit more comfortable. Taking a deep breathe, I realized that you smelt of snow....

Snow... a pure, cleansing

....so i die happy..

Its that time of year again.
Medicate me...so I may lie peacefully.
The days are dark.
They're all the same.
I feel old desires.h
I feel old pain.

Its that time of year again.
I'm scared, but I'm fighting.
I'm fighting, but I have no motive.
I'm beginning to feel numb.
Numb is a safe place to be.
I'm falling forward yet go no where.

I'm alone.
But not entirely.
I love him.
But I'm still scared.

---

I see you walk into my room swishing your long blonde hair.
I look to the other door and your curls are freshly cleaned.
I turn back and you're smiling as you lie upon my bed.
I look further and you're sleeping on my couch.

My life is tainted with what I had and what I've got.
From first to last; beginning to end.
I see my scares and the smoke hovers by.
I can only ask myself...why do I torture myself?
Am I sick? Derranged? Psychotic? Morbid?

---

Sleep....my only safe place.
Stay awake to hear you smile, but I'm still falling.