I've got to go on.

All around me things are changing. For those that I grew up with, those that I went to high school with; watching them get married, having children, or getting their own place; buying flat screens and nice cars..

I feel like I'm not progressing at all.
Standing still in a sea of productive and progressive people that I used to know.

My past will always be held with fondness.. Somethings are better off forgotten, but that can be applied towards anyone else's story.

Through everything, and after it's all over, all you'll have besides yourself is the memories of the things you love, the things you hated; the things you did, and what you didn't do as well.
We are nothing without ourselves.

And again...

Some days I don't think. I don't wonder. And I don't question...

Some days I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm paranoid. And I tell myself I can't feel a thing..

Our good days, the way you treat me, the way you smile.. I need that every day... I understand that life isn't hunkydory 24/7 but it always throws me off whenever things shift.. I need to get a grip on myself..

I don't know how to, but I know its for the best in the end..

I wish I knew what you were thinking...what really goes on in there..

Maybe I really am crazy? I just feel lost in my head sometimes and it makes it hard to remember what's real...

I wish I had a safe place..

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A familiar face

I know what its like to have my heart stop.

Even today... when your name floated across my screen.. when your face walked through the door..

My stomach dropped and I choked on my heart..

It's a paralyzing feeling... it wrecks havoc.. making me aware that you have power over me..

I need let things go.. need to take a step back and accept that its over..

Hope is the most dangerous thing... I don't want to feel it if its just going to crash back on me.

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