Search for something felt long ago.
Find nothing after years.
I'm giving up on the concept.
I no longer wish to be a puppet with your lies.

The sky burned fire that night.
Killing off all the remains.
Rain comes the following day.
Washing away all the strings and stains.


Nothing remains when there was nothing in the beginning.

All Because Two People Fell In Love..

Love..
What a strange, fucked up thing that only hurts those in the end.
There is no right or wrong with it's terms.
There is only emotion.

Love..
It contains the power to over throw a country.
It can either make someone stronger..
Or throw them to hell.

Love..
It controls everything around us.
It gives us strength in times of darkness..
Yet creates the darkness we live in.

Love..
How I wish I never felt your wrath..
Leave me now.
I don't want to feel this anymore.

I'm dying.

Random Writings. 05

These are individual thoughts that I cannot seem to add onto..

--It's like willingly letting a piece of you walk away.

--Such a cold rock, similar to our organ of love.

--A poison, a disease, this plague that we choose to endure.

--All because two people fell in love.

--The melody drifts down to my ears; oh such a sweet tune this is.

I watched you choke on me.

My body is failing under this.
So many things wrong with no explanation as to why.
This isn't me.

I feel suffocated; brain damaged.
The movements are routine.
The days start and end the same.

I need a way out of this.

It's not me. I'm not real. I was never born.

Paralyzed with where I'm at.
There is no escape, only what I see.
I feel lost and trapped.
A self induced prison.
Is this all it'll ever be anymore?

Sleep, and breathe.
Nothing more.

There's got to be something else.
Something that makes waking up worth it.

Bleh.

Pass up.
Pass out.
Nights are lone.
Days are alone.

Stand up.
Stand out.
Love is lovely.
Hate is strong.

Sit down.
Stay in.
Dance a little.
Sleep too much.

The Birth and Death of Love..

I can't write anymore.
I can't feel anymore.
Everything is numb.
There is nothing left.

To choose between a fantasy or reality..
What do you do however, when the fantasy feels like reality, and reality feels fake?
How do we distinguish between real and fake?

Fall away now.
A sleep is waiting for my soul.

Dream now, and leave it all behind.

hello darkness.

Turning away for the last time so you say its the last time you know that weve been writing our names into the sky so long and ive wasted my time on such little things when i think of what could be common sense awakens slowly the water is rising ove alone will find a way but we lost it now ive given up wouldnt you we gave it time but you took over youd say we wasted our time i gave you mine you left me nothing since you left home seems further away than when you were here and you see it now what could be but you chose to forget it so forget it and time alone is well enough but i cant forget when i miss this much.

Chasing lights -last winter.

Time's Wasted.

I was living in a bubble, yet the clock continued to count down...
This dream.. it lived, it thrived, yet it continuously broke me down, every time I was alone.

This clock continued.. Even when I wasn't looking.
It spiraled down, and now it's so close to losing all life.

5 days left now...
And all hope is gone.
All faith is shattered...

I tried to save myself in the end, but I'm always left with tears and loneliness...

There is no safe place; When playing with fire and ice.
A constant battle between pretending to be okay, and truly being so.

I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't know how else to do so.

There is no way out,
...For I..

..Will never be strong enough..

I Wont Utter Another Word.

It's best to keep things to yourself.
For then no one ever has to worry about you.
No one looks down upon you.
And no one thinks you're psychotic.
Everyone may have their own issues.

But..

Sometimes, things are better left unsaid.
At least in my case.

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, and only release things on a "need to know" basis.

I don't want to make my friends worry..
I don't want them to have to keep tabs on me to make sure I'm okay..
If I'm not... I'll say something..

Being alone suits me..
It's what I do best.

Flash A Light.

Down a bottle,
and drop a line.
Come on girl,
it's only nine.

Feel the beat,
it consumes this place.
Feel my heart,
it's starting to race.

Sprial around,
getting dizzy on time.
Swish that dress,
tonight you're mine.

Random Writings. 05

I awoke to a thunderstorm.
It's fierce, angry winds were releasing their energy out upon my house.

I layed in bed and stared out the window.
Such a beautiful sight; Mother Nature when she's upset about something, or just wanting to have some fun. :)

La La La...

I think I did something wrong?
I'm not 100% sure, for I don't know what you meant..
But..

hm..

..Going shopping with Mum today..
..Prolly going to see Forrest..
Yeah..

Time to get around. Peace.

The Only Anesthetic That Makes Me Feel Anything Kills Inside

She said to herself, "No.... I told him no more.. That I would try.."
But the depression spoke back defensively, "You're pathetic. Stop trying to deny this truth to yourself. This is all you have left."

She curled into a ball on the bottom of the bathtub as the hot water ran into her eyes.

As she wiped the mix of salt and fresh water from her eyes, she then reached for her only friend.
The blade was rather dull from the years of use upon materials it wasn't made for, but she didn't care.
Once, twice, five times across.

She clenched her eyes closed and shook violently as the fresh waves of pain and depression swept over her.
"I'll be okay... I'm fine now... At least I can still feel anything...", she repeated in her mind..

After finishing her shower, and after almost completely drying off, she noticed the pool of blood under her left foot.
Sighing with satisfaction, for, due to the morbid part of her creativity, the more blood there was, the better she felt.

She stepped out of the shower, careful not to leak upon the tiled floor, she walked into her room, and proceeded to become creative. The blood left a newly stained mark upon her biggest piece of art.

She finished cleaning up, got around, and proceeded to join some friends in the process of drowning inside a bottle for the rest of the night.

Goodnight.

I need to sleep...

I'm the type to wear my heart on me sleeve.
Oh how I wish it was dead.
Numb and cold like it used to be.
It was so safe...

No fear of no response or rejection.
It's only job was to beat, and be unresponsive.

I hate this feeling...

Random Writings. 04

I don't know what to say anymore, but all I know is that I want someone to talk to..

I hate being alone.
I'm fine throughout the day.
Perfect even.
But once I'm alone, once it's dark..

Everything I fear comes back.
It's as though there is no escape from it.
Night terrors while I'm awake..

Old fears run deep, and the habits just as far.
It's hard to run from something that you cannot control.

Random Writings. 03

My mind is confuddeled..
I can't seem to think of the correct words to describe how I'm feeling.

It's like, a numb sensation, yet I can't even feel that.
I don't know whether I set myself up for this kind of stuff, or if it just happens just to happen..

Being alone, dark room, mellow music.. It's not helping, but nothing else works.

--


I hate being alone...
It's a sickening feeling that causes me physical pain. I don't know 100% how to deal with it, although I know it's inevitable.
Meh...

Goodnight.

Feeling Nothing.

My words are pouring profusely.
I cannot think.
I cannot eat.
Barely breathe.

It's like feeling numb, without feeling anything regardless.

----


Shattered and torn.
A broken porcelain doll.
A million pieces spread upon the gravel.
Dust and glass, broken beyond repair.
A smile lingers amongst an empty eye.
Thoughts are ceased, and nothing remains.

Somebody Knew.

I misplaced my pen, and I swore it was right there. But now it's gone, and there's nothing left.
Another one lies next to me, but it's not right.
It's not the same.
For it isn't my favorite.
I try to search but am still empty handed.

My pen is lost.
Just like me.

Is That Alright?

Misplaced and confused.
I set you somewhere, and now you're gone.
Left, and out of sight.
Afraid and alone.

Directions will only get us so far.
It's like being numb; walking through an empty town.
Nothing left other than ghosts and the memories engraved perfectly into our minds.

Search and search.
Cry and scream.
Nothing can be found in the dark.
Turning on a light will only blind us further.

Catch A Falling Star...

The stars overhead shone with a fire that lit the sky for miles to see. We lied upon towels in the wet grass to get a better view.

Perhaps someday, wishing upon a shooting star will finally be worth it to at least someone..

But wishes are only wishes in themselves.
They breathe, live, and then vanish.
But we keep pouring more and more into them, hoping they become real.

With the controlled fire in front of us creating an eerie glow upon the scenery, we enjoyed the silence and prayed that maybe,
maybe for just once...

A wish would exist.

hello stars.

The ashes fall over us.
Setting the night into a frenzy searching for insecurities.
I wish.
I dream.
Come down and settle the things we wish were real.

You.

It's like a sick feeling.
Every mention of the moments
cause me to stumble and freeze.
Butterflies in my tummy, and a smile on my face.

This feeling is dangerous, and I don't know how to trust it...


Meh...

"You were everything to me, I was begging you please don't go." -TS

small whisper and a small smile.
lights and gowns.
bowing and dancing.

spiral around the crowd of onlookers.
the opinions of those who don't care will never matter.

circle after circle, my hand in yours.
A night of a fairy tale.

Escape only for a little while.

And then we'll all wake up.

Dreams...

When we dream.
We escape.
Oh sweet dreams, a reality that doesn't exist for modern life.
If only right?

yes...

To dream of peace.
To dream of better things; a different world.

Oh...

I cannot wait for your pleasant reigns again..

here I come...
Carry me away..
For I don't want to feel tonight..

It happens every night...

The music spirals on, as the night continues in its loneliness.
I wonder if I'm truly cold.
If I have a heart.

I wonder why this is our "current relationship"..
But then I remember that this is me.
And I'm not anyone's preference.
Never have been..
.. Never will be.

For I am nothing more than me.

The music continues..
Every time the song changes..
The thoughts spiral with the words that resonate throughout these four walls.

I'm falling away into the dark again..