Replaced.

It's been awhile and I'm quite aware of that. But that's alright.
Lately.. I haven't felt like me. Is that my usual? Yes. When do I ever feel like me? Rarely. I just broke up with the guy I was seeing, and I'm perfectly content being alone. but there are moments when all I want is for him to be here so I can hug someone, and have someone hug me back.
I feel alone.. But when have I ever not been?
Of course I'm attracted to other people.. But due to my history maybe I should just let it all go for awhile.

I'm so lost in so many different things.
I want this, and I hope for that. I'm stuck it seems. Almost paralytic in my life; unable to see clearly in any particular direction.

Oh this circle is so damn familiar.
I ruin the things I want the most, for I'm unable to let myself get close to anyone..
Fuuuu--
whyyy do I keep doing this to myself and to other people?
I truly am a horrible person..